thisisLEA

Looking Up

I had the best day of my life yesterday. At least one of the best.

And it wasn’t that everything went exactly as I had planned. As a matter of fact, I made a detailed outline of how I wanted the day to go and it definitely did NOT go that way. Some of the things I wrote out happened and others did not.

What made the day so exceptional was that, by grace and practice and more grace, I was able to focus on the very best of whatever was taking place. Flexibility, gratitude, curiosity, hope and openness to the good that was available, even though it wasn’t what I thought I wanted, brought me even more joy than I had bargained for.

I intend to do the same thing today, tomorrow and on every best day of the rest of my life.

Higher Love

Today, I’ve been challenged to get in on a higher love.

You ever think about why we love the people, places, animals… that we do. It’s often because they are beautiful, kind, talented. In some way or another they make us feel good. They help us see the beauty of life.  So, in a sense, we are exchanging our  love like little more than currency. You make me feel good – I love you.

So, where does that leave those parts of creation that we don’t care for at all. Or what happens when our so-called loved ones don’t act as we might like them to. This is, I believe, when that higher love comes in.

Last night, Laela and I watched the movie, Gravity. One of my favorite parts of the whole, immaculate film, was when George Clooney’s character was floating away, to certain death. His response, “Wow. The sun on the ganges.”

I want to love like that.

Careful

… what you wish for.

So, I recently made a rather big stink about desiring more spontaneity in my life.

Within 24 hours of the proclamation, I received an answer in the form of a smoking car full of myself, husband and two kids. We, spontaneously, decided it was wisest to take the metro home – at 9 on a school night. The following day brought more adventures in going to pick up the car, watching it smoke by day light, trudging 2 hours from school with a 4 year old. (who was actually quite awesome about the whole thing. I kept using the word “adventure”)

All very spontaneous.

Not what I meant.

Ama Chandra

Last month, I had the honor and pleasure of opening for Fruition. They are a Baltimore group whose tight, sweet, all positive, community oriented jazz deserves its own article.
Today, though, I want to keep the focus on their vocalist, Ama Chandra.
Now, bear in mind, some experiences, some voices are transcendent. No amount of fishing around for the right words to convey an impression is going to do them justice.
To spare myself the effort, I will simply say that I was transported, nearly literally, by her voice. When I released the desire to understand and dissect her gritty, yet clarion tone (As a singer, I wanted to know what she was doing right). The moment I stopped trying to comprehend her gift and managed to quell that quiet envy, I let go and she took me to another place.
On Ama’s website, you can hear samples from her CD. It’s a beautiful collection, recorded with great musicians. I especially love the songs sung in Portuguese, because again, I’m not trying to relate or interpret. I’m just listening and enjoying her gift. Still, you can only really know what I experienced when you get out and experience Ama Chandra “live” and in person and see where she takes you.

Best. Day. Ever.

“Today is the best day ever.”

My son said so this morning without any real explanation.
He later explained it was the best day because it is raining and the trees are getting some water. Then, he said it was the best day because his body is healing itself and that means he gets a day off from school.
I think I’m going to make this my new mantra and be on the lookout for reasons to prove that it is so, every day.
Even better,  I can look for ways to make it so.

Reckless

There’s a penalty when we don’t drive carefully. What happens when something as light, and seemingly harmless as the words we choose are hurtful to others? It can happen whether we intend it to or not, in subtle ways that we may not ever notice. That’s why it’s so vital to be careful and aware what we’re saying, as if we were behind the wheel of a powerful, potentially deadly machine.

Not that I’ve never said anything that hurt anybody’s feelings. My little sister (is 29 and 6 inches taller than I am) still reminds me how I used to taunt her 20 years ago. She doesn’t hold it against me, I don’t think. In fact, I get the feeling she’s still holding it against herself. We can’t control how anybody else is going to interpret what we’re going to say, we can certainly do our best to choose words that we think will lift others up, help create more connection, more light and hope.

I’ve heard some harsh words and had too many occasions in the last week or so to wonder whether human evolution has completely stalled. In those moments, I am trying to remember that the only thing I can control is myself. Here’s hoping, when the crazy world and some of its inhabitants are doing their damnedest to break my heart, that I can be very intentional with the love I send back at them and to everyone else.

Now, any thoughts on being reckless with love? Next post, maybe…

Today

“Today is the greatest day I’ve ever known. Can’t live for tomorrow….”

The lyrics kind of go downhill from there, but I was thinking about that song, so I thought I’d share.

So many people I know are on the cusp of something wonderful. Stepping into their dreams, visions, ideas and looking to be part of the healing the world so desperately needs. It seems unprecedented to me, but maybe that’s just because I am awake to it and doing the same myself.My nation seems to be experiencing some serious upheaval. It’s enough to make a body want to cry. A wise friend pointed out that “every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”

The Bryan Adam’s song I hear most often when I wake up is from the movie, Spirit. Check it out.

“It’s a new day. It’s a new start. It’s alive with the beating of a young heart. Yes, it’s a new world and a new plan. And it’s waiting for me.

Here I am.”

“

Hell

The most difficult times for me are the moments when I’ve convinced myself that I can be and am separate from something I want. Perfect case in point, I definitely had a few minutes of intense inner burning after the judge chose other voices at that audition a couple of months ago.

“How can this be happening?” “I was so clear on what I wanted” “I told everyone, I showed up, did my best and the result is: embarrassment, disappointment, falling on my face.”
And it hurt. Like hell.

I just read somewhere that Discouragement is the Devil’s most powerful tools. The wedge that separates us from our dreams.

The only way I’ve manage to crawl back out of the depths of my own, self-imposed despair is by recognizing that I’ve often got exactly what it is I was looking for, already. Or that it’s not very far away.

In the case of the Voice audition, I made that trip in order to kickstart the next era in my career. I didn’t wind up on the show, but I did get what I wanted. It was on that trip and in the moment that I was singing that I realized that connecting with other people is the purpose for my art. That knowledge is catapulting me into an experience in my work that I never knew could be so rewarding.
For me, the way to quench the burning is to look around, to look inside and see how I am already in paradise. And let the rest of the details serve me.

Heaven

You may or may not know that I grew up religious. Well, now you know. I was raised by a mom who had us in the Southern Baptist church as often as 4 days a week. (My dad is atheist, but didn’t do much active raising, so I was a evangelical Christian through high school).

This explains why I, to this day, see so many things through the lens of scripture. I am no longer of the opinion that everyone who doesn’t believe a certain doctrine will burn in eternal hellfire (whew). As a matter of fact, the core of what I believe is that everything comes from one source and lots of people like to call that God. Anyway, I know the folks who are responsible for all the religious words ever spoken or written were on to something.

All this is to say, that one of my favorite scriptures is Matthew 18:20, which basically says, wherever two or more of you are gathered in my name (God, Love, Unity, Community, Family, pick a name and go with it), there I will be also.

So, it was nothing short of Heaven for me to be surrounded by friends who support me and the music I make last night. Thank you Tom and Dan for opening the pearly gates and thanks to all who were able, just for being there.  It means a lot more to me than I can express in words.

NDE

If you are very hip, or just a little hipper than I was a few short weeks ago, you know that NDE stands for Near Death Experience. This weekend, I was invited by a friend to go to a conference on the topic.

Now, I am probably the most open-minded person you know. I am registered Independent, no religious affiliation and I strongly believe that anything we can imagine is possible. In all honesty, though, I accepted the invitation so I could hang out with my friend.

And I was mildly curious, I suppose, but not highly expectant. Just open.

Before the evening was over, it was clear that I had been drawn there for a clear  reason. It was to hear this highly enlightened neurosurgeon, Eben Alexander, repeatedly report how “music created the vibration that elevated [his] disembodied soul to higher regions in the afterlife.”

Now, I can’t claim to have any personal experience with that. However, the core of what he talked about was perfectly aligned with the insights I’ve been receiving in the last two years: everything is one thing, we all come from the same source, death is not the last stop, “consciousness paints reality”…

And, of course, music is a powerful gift that has the capacity to bring us into closer alignment with ourselves and the rest of creation. I don’t think anyone has to nearly die to agree with that.

Cover Girl

Anyone who has ever met me will not be surprised to hear that I know next to nothing about makeup. After years of theater, I can pretty much tell you where lipstick goes.

Well, as it turns out, my daughter is interested in make-up. Back when she was in love with the water, I learned to swim (in a class full of 70 year old women). This, however, is where I draw the line:)

Enter Talia Castellano.

Laela became aware of the 13 year old, aspiring make-up artist on Ellen. At first glance, what made
Talia stand out was that she was, as she put it, a cancer warrior. What made her immortal was her to dedication to life.

Talia’s body is no longer alive. However, Laela learned on a YouTube video Talia created, what to do with blush and some other stuff I don’t even remember the name of.
Make up is not my passion, but just like all love is the same love, the spark of life is universal and eternal.

Mark Twain said, “The two most important days in a person’s life are the day they were born and the day they figure out why.”
It’s not the length of time allotted in a life, but what one chooses to do with that time.
Thank you, Thalia. For living your 13 years in full color.

I must be having fun…

Has it seriously been a week since I was with Busy, Laela and the girls at the Carpe Diem camp? If the calendar is to be trusted, it is so. That was a beautiful experience in being in the moment.

Since then, (4 year old) Jakob has come from Germany with a jetlag so strong it was literally contagious. I’ll be playing guitar behind a classically trained vocalist this weekend. She and I practiced this week.

Last night, I heard Victoria Vox and the ever-rocking Laura Tsaggaris in concert at the Dunes in DC. I’ve had the chance to meet with Tom and Dan, a pair of loving gurus about launching my IndieGogo campaign. It has been my good fortune to be part of creating an opportunity to open for positive music luminary, Daniel Nahmod on Nov. 17!

I’ve covered all this ground, heard and made all this music and had the feeling that time was nearly standing still so that I could make time for almost everything I wanted to do.

Miles to go …

Carpe Diem

Thanks entirely to Busy Graham who gave me the opportunity to teach a songwriting workshop at her Carpe Diem camp on the eastern shore of MD this weekend.

I have to admit that despite 25+ years of experience, I felt a little unqualified. Maybe because it’s not something I’ve done often, or because I feel like songwriting is so personal, so vast a topic and something I was never formally taught to do…

At the end of the session, all the girls had written a brief verse on something in their lives that gave them the blues. One young lady mourned that her mom wants to give away her guinea pigs. Another lamented the loss of the local wetlands. In other words, they just told their truth. Then, we speed wrote a reggae piece together on how wonderful the camp had been.

It never does fail. When I get out of my own way and just choose to show up at 100%, something wonderful can happen to and through me. Can’t say for sure what any of them took from the workshop, but that is the lesson I keep learning over and again.

My Cup of Tea

Have you ever heard of the passion test? It is supposed to help you discover your life’s purpose.

I reckon they will ask questions like: What makes you want to get up in the morning?  What makes the goofiness of life worthwhile? What simply brings you joy and helps you share joy with others?

I am very fortunate to have found and to be living my passion. Every day, the vision of how to share my music and wacky ideas with the world in a way that lifts myself and others becomes clearer. I can honestly say, I love everything I’m doing.

A dear friend recently gave me something to think about. What if your passion doesn’t seem all that profound on the surface? What if you’re not a mother or a teacher or a revolutionary or a poet? What if your passion is something as simple as tea?
She talked so simply and so eloquently of the Japanese (and Indian and British…) tradition of bringing people together, soothing, sometimes celebrating, sometimes mourning – all over tea.

And in its essence, it doesn’t sound very different from what I do. My best guess is that anything that lifts us and/or helps us to lift others is worth doing, whether you want to call it passion or a pastime.

A Day in the Life

Yesterday, my 13 year old daughter, Laela wanted to go to a psychic. I was raised to believe that psychics were evil. Suffice it to say, I don’t feel that way anymore, so I figured what the hell…

Our (kind of) friendly, neighborhood palmist, Flora, got off to a smashing start when she said, “You love people. You try to treat everybody fair and good.”
Then, she tripped up and guessed, “You wear a smile, but deep inside you’re in pain.”
My sister made a good point, that most people go to fortune tellers because they are unhappy about something. So, a reasonable assumption. Just wrong.
So, 1 for 1.

Then, ol’ Flora predicted a big year of success. She said that I was born for great things and that the key to collecting them was to remove the bad luck that was put on me by a previous fortune teller.
Uh…

Incidentally, also yesterday, I was made to watch the new Percy Jackson movie. This is NOT an endorsement. Still, if there was one take away for me, it was the moment when Percy slayed Kronos, landed in a graceful kneel and announced, “I make my own destiny.”

So, about 50% for Flora, which is technically not a passing grade. Still, I think Laela and I had a pretty good day.